The true nature of humans

People who say that humans are mostly good have never watched babies play.


You can tell a lot about the human species by observing the newest, most innocent, utterly unsullied additions to the race; sweet little babies.

AWW, right?


Have you ever heard the story of Jacob and Esau? It's a warm and fuzzy tale that goes something like this:

Jacob and Esau were twins who hated each other as little fetuses in their mother's belly, and that bitter rivalry lasted the rest of their lives. Jacob even tried to pull Esau by his leg back into the womb while Rebecca was birthing them. That's some shit, right? If you don't believe me, go ahead, look it up. It's right there in Genesis. Little warring babies.

But it's not just Jacob and Esau with the problem. Not only have scientists proven that babies fight in the womb, but they continue these violent rampages into babyhood and beyond.

There seems to be an innate felon within us all. This can be clearly observed by watching babies "play". From day one, it's instinctual to want to take what someone else has. Let's just go ahead and call that what it is: blatant theft. Yet this is our first instinct.  If we aren't able to get what others have by conventional means, then we immediately resort to physical violence to obtain it. And babies don't care. Babies don't give a shit. Just watch as these twins duel over a toothbrush.

Observe how, when each baby has their turn at dominion over the toothbrush, they become calculating overlords, completely indifferent to the pain and suffering the other one is experiencing. When they steal, a downright sense of peace and calm washes over them. That personally scares the shit out of me.

Mean baby.jpg

It seems to me that people are geared toward chaos and destruction. We've all seen kids kicking down the brilliant sand architecture of their siblings, screaming, biting, and pushing one another in fits of jealously and rage. We are power hungry little dicks searching for any opportunity to assert our dominance over another human being.

But wait, you say. People do a lot of good too. People hug and kiss and are nice to animals and old people and so on.

WELL. There's a simple explanation for that one.

It all starts back in babydom. This is where we typically discover that blatantly annihilating our enemies gets us into trouble. OK, we conclude...I can't be seen doing THAT shit apparently, so I'll do it when no one is looking. But babies are real stupid, so people are usually looking, in which case they get caught yet again. This happens continually for years as they grow into children and observe what works and what doesn't. But all along we're looking for loopholes in the system. A way to do shit wrong.



It's not until later that it clicks in our brain in one way or another: if I don't want someone taking my shit, I can't be taking their shit. This is not to say that we don't WANT to take their shit, or WANT to leave dead bodies in our wake, but empirical evidence suggests that this approach just doesn't work.

Consider every movie that's ever had to do with the end times. When there is no one to enforce the law, people turn like bad milk.

So basically any good behavior we exhibit is not a result of us becoming better people, but rather a result of our inability to get away with felonious activity. After all, if you don't want someone raping and pillaging your house, you don't rape and pillage theirs. Even though you really want to, the consequences outweigh the benefits, and we reluctantly accept our place in a new world of rules and regulations. And we do our best to fit in.

Just look at this little terrorista. She says she'll punch you in the face. I, for one, believe her. Later she'll learn better tactics, but for now it's her bread and butter.

The sad truth is, humans aren't mostly good - humans are mostly bad. We learn to adapt to the new ways. Since most of us suck at getting away with stuff, and most of us don't want all the crap that comes along with being a criminal, we convince ourselves that good abounds.

If that were true, it wouldn't be so hard to behave, or to be happy, or just to simply be nice to one another. We drink, we read Deepak Chopra, we self-medicate, and we pray - whatever it takes to shake our true nature. We're still liars, only in different ways.

But deep down, we're just little czars waiting to come across a sand castle without a proper moat.